Am age 23 , unlike many I never
believed in love , may because in 22 years , I had one story each , and in all
stories I had a women , lady or a girl on my opposite side. If I write an
autobiography now , I would have named it “ my life and 22+ lady
villainess”. I respect them , don’t
misunderstand , am just against love. But fate had some stupid plan , and in
2008 it put me in a class with lot of girls , actually double the number of
boys. So according to gracious and glorious probability theory , the
probability was two choices for one. But still it didn’t worked , I just
increased my girls number in my autobiography title. I used to tease for its
helplessness. And on our epic tour , an incident happened that changed my view
point towards love.
One of the middle days
of tour , around 11:30 pm I was drained out completely. I remember that day ,
the problems where the heroes of the day, running , jumping , answering ,
questioning and shattered 51 students in 7 compartments and even more shattered
in each and every compartment. Situation was even worse than we thought , on
that that day , oil field of frustration was already lit up , and train was
like giving a thunderstorm with flood of oil in to that. On 5 th compartment I
was assigned as the guardian of my friends pallu and midhu , and there me ,
swaathy , bini , sree , reshma , pallavi and midhu was having a stastical
analysis of situation hence forth .
That chat was little
soothing , especially I came to know about the attitude as a decision to be
taken!! Any way it was about 1 am , we all were tired , obviously next plan was
sleeping. And then was the “but” moment, they all had a berth to sleep , but
not me!! It was occupied by a boy of around 7 years old , he may have done it
by mistake. Actually that compartment should be named as “children only” , its
90% was occupied by children. I tried my max to wake him up , but that boy was
super naturally quarantined to my voice and touch , in short he continued to
sleep on “myyyyy” birth. The “Sherlock Holmes” in me , managed to spot their teacher , the mug
head who was really responsible for the misplacement of commodity to my bloody
privacy being the authority with maturity. He internally blamed me and
externally he rushed and showed all his anger of “breaking a sleep in late
night is something I hate” to that little boy who was still half asleep ,
enough to move, enough to sleep. And I felt so sorry and I told him so humbly ,
“ sir , am really sorry , it was my mistake I came to tour , I reserved a seat
, I travelled in this train and questioned your management mastery , let him
sleep there” , he smiled to me like a joker , he and his student in matter of
seconds was asleep. And atlast , as always I was alone. I sat near my buddies
and let them sleep , actually they told they will adjust. But I knew they were
sick and tired and told them to take rest. I was really tired , I hardly slept last
night too( oru pushpam mathram..:P :P :P ) , head was aching. I cursed myself
for being myself , unknowing my destiny was just 5 seats away from me , sitting
just like me.
When everyone was sleeping , I
walked through compartment to the door , where there was light , standing there
for sometime , I walked back to seat. Then I saw a girl , sitting on seat near
head of an aged man who was sleeping . Face was not that clear , still it
seemed bright , from mild light that came in and out through the window , I
figured she was wearing a yellow creamy colored saree. She and me were only two
passengers awake in that compartment ,
may be in that train. She should have had my problem , because all I could see
was children and children only.i went back to my friends , for my luck I
thought two persons got out at the station train stopped . when train moved
without owners for vacant seat I felt like seeing food after a week. Once I l
settled I slept , but due to my luck on very next station 25 minutes latter
somebody was asking me for their seat. Though I smiled to them something else
was running in mind. So once again I went to door. Innocence sucks , I thought
, still was bit happy that , a small boy who don’t know anything about most of
the things were sleeping because of me. Train was moving faster now , in that
compartment , all windows except one window was closed , this was also closed
but only pane of glass . through that glass window light came and went. I
looked there , it was her , she was awake and at that exact moment train passed
a station , but train had no stop there. The point is that , the light rushed
through that window , and it was the first time I saw her face clearly. It had
a golden glow at that time , and it was unbelievable. I cant clame you it was a beautiful face , but
at that place , at that time , at that sight she was nymph from heaven travelling in a train. I couldn’t stop
staring at her , I even forgot at the same condition I told above , it was the
worst best thing I could do it her on my standards. Somehow managed to turn my
head from her , I was forced to look again in matter of seconds. Then again I
turned head from her and decided not to look at her till I finish counting
hundred . I wanted to go from there , but inside I know something better , “
without even having a seat to sit , where the hell will I go , and by far it
was greatest moment of tour”. But before completing 25 I looked her again , but
at that exact moment , she magically looked me ( station was passed , only
slight light is there , also to happen all this things when a train passing
station in almost 70 km per hour , this not any bloody movie for station to be
too long). We got an eye lock , and for
first time my heart beat or I felt it beat in rhythm , no logical statements
where processing in my head , but there were only heart , and heart only.
After that , I moved from there to side , so
that she will be little comfortable. Around 3:55 am train stopped in a station
, I walked back to friends to see every thing was okay , and I had to pass her
for that. Sitting on seat , she was having a nap , I looked at her face , yes it
was beautiful. In her forehead she had a small bindhi ,her face was round , she had a proportional
nose , a sparkling nose stud , wide and beautiful eyes (it was half open),
beautiful lips that could make a smile even more beautiful. When I was about to
pass her , she opened her eyes. I don’t know who was first , but she smiled and
she just purchased my heart and emotions on wholesale. I just wanted to be with
her from then , I know it was extreme of stupidity , but I felt EXACTLY
THAT!!!! But I forgot to stop , and I was walking and I passed her! “ what a
fool am I ???” , I thought , then I thought I will go back , then I thought
that was too foolish to act like a dog who saw bone. I controlled somehow and
sat near that boy. Pallu and midhu were in deep sleep , they were to tired , I
wished to yell them about this , but all were sleeping. By 4 15 train reached
another station , I got out to buy a bottle of water , and purposefully entered
compartment from the door near by her. I walked to her in slow motion , train
was getting acceleration , there was trembling sounds , it was still dark , and
I walked. Now don’t get your heart beats up , am just walking that’s all , no
other plans. And this time I smiled , may be in best way I ever did in my whole
life , I was pretty sure it had a standard , and you know what she returned me
a heaven , a wonderful smile. “ Maine aapakko kabhi kahi dekha hai!!” , (I have
seen you before somewhere) , I was shocked , may be half paralysed , in all
this situations we boys used to plan and find somekind of way to make her speak
, for past 23 years..and now it just happened in an unexpected way. If you like
to play football , it was like goalie of opposition gives us ball and staying
away from post. I wanted to reply to her like in 1970-80’s , “hammare rishthe
sathiyon purane , dekha hoga muje pichale janmom me , tumare aankhon me aankh
mila kar , baita hoga tere haath dham kar” ( our relations extend to births ,
you would have seen me closer enough holding your hands and diving to your
eyes) , however I controlled and replied , “ noo , no chance , am first time
here” , just wishing deeply that she identify I was regretting for that.
“maghar aap hindhi aache bholthe hai , kya aap mujse mazaag karthi he” ( but
you are speaking hindi well , I hope you are not playing jokes with me) , she
replied politely with confusion! “ maafi maangatha hum , aaje se hindi nahi
bathounga , magar aap mujmem yakheen karna chahiye , mujhe aap se choot nahi
bol sakthe” ( am really sorry for that , I wont speak hindi again , but you
have to believe me , I cant lie to you)
, I said it all in a sudden , it was genuine and I said it from heart , but it
worked really well , well done me , she was laughing , not laughing it was
spring!!! “Why you not sleeping??”, I
asked her. She replied in her beautiful voice (it was sharp and creamy) , “ my
seat there is occupied by a child , I let him sleep there , also I don’t feel
like sleeping”. I really thanked that mug head teacher , am sure he had hands
in this , it would have been his bloody idea to direct children to unoccupied
seat , but I liked it now. I just laughed and told “ actually me too have your
same reason for this sleepless night , great co incidence “! She smiled and
asked , “where are you from? , what you doing?“ I replied her we where from kerala and where
engg final years came for tour. When I returned same question , she replied , “
we are going to bellari , our home town , why don’t you sit here? , she showed
me a little space in a seat a boy was sleeping. I sat there and smiled , I gave
her water I bought , she never asked , never denied it , she was thirsty and I
knew it. I just don’t know how. The wind was hovering inside through the door ,
I felt like that wind had some life for love , it just kept teasing her by
playing on her silky smooth hair. She was gorgeous , and each minute was
beautiful. She was on the way to bellari with her brother and father. She
haven’t studied much , but she was matured and strong. Her father was doing
business , a shop “ sreevenkidajalapathi trades” , and she was helping his
father. Her mother’s mother tongue was
telugu and father’s were hindi. I don’t know how that happened , however that
crazy choice made my day different , sorry poor choice of words , fantastic! We
laughed , we talked , we even shared secrets. She told her marriage will be her
choice only , she never liked her brother , she likes to travel , she want to
buy a cycle , she wanted to drive car , she wants to complete plus two , she
wanted to see “Mahesh babu” , her favorite hero..like it went on. And when it
came to me , I told her whole story of mine,
the problems I face in tour , my life. I just told her everything inside
, which even I was unaware of. I was a negative person , I was too emotional ,
I felt she would have thought me weak. we shared like we were too close , for
same reason I sat with heads down telling her I had only problems. And she
touched my hand , it was a moment I can’t explain , “heyyyy….come on , are yaar
ek hi zindagi he , agar yeh bekraar karega tho , jeeyega kabh , hmmm???”(we
have only one life , if you spoil this , when will you actually live) I was
almost a step near to tear , I wanted to hug her tight and wanted never to leave her. It was
not any feeling I had for her , but it was pure love I felt. I smiled and got
up before I actually cried and told her will be back and walked. Though I
didn’t speak , she too remaining in silent , we spoke a million words , and I
walked. It was already 7 , I ran around all train , to check every one. In
between I passed her many times , most of times I had a half cut mineral water
bottle and a knife. And for next two hours I had no rest at all. It was 9 , me
, paul , sam and rijo was taking numbers for breakfast and train stopped. As it
was my unusual behavior , I checked name of station which had nothing
particular at all. On the yellow painted block in black letters it was written
“BELLARI”. Yes it was her stop , I felt like hell and blamed myself and I ran.
I ran just like in films , she was four compartments away and train will take
in 5 minutes. I don’t remember the way I went , but I reached somehow. She was
already packed up , and she was in queue to get down. Our eyes met and it was
getting wet , I walked to her with pain in my heart and said , “it was really a
pleasure meeting you , I assure you , we will see again”. I said this words and
unsaid was a million words with most important three words , “I love you’ ! I
felt each second from bottom , and in those seconds we talked , I don’t know
what , why , how? But only left was a feeling of pain , sorrow and of coarse love.
She smiled and said , “sure , I will look for you”! I walked past her , I
doubted we will cry at that point it was something not to be happened. Then I
suddenly remembered we talked almost for “3 hours” , but we never knew each others name. I know
you will be surprised and you may think this is whole drama , but you should
believe me , that is one reason special
about writing this story. I walked back and went close to her , and asked on
her ears ,” escuse me , am hari , may
iknow your ..?” she came closer with a smile , and in my ears she
whispered in her crisp buttery voice , “AASHA”! Instead of going to brain ,
that name went to my heart. It meant “ wish” , it was beautiful , yes she was
my wish! I replied , “alvidha , phir millenge”. She smiled sadly and waved me
goodbye , without being noticed by her father and brother she waved as long as
she could and I kept staring at her. It was a beautiful day , I experienced
love as feeling but it was much more than a thought or feeling , it was a
bondage of emotions and affection that grew a two to one fullness. Love at
first sight that was.
Actually
I had plenty lot of time in train , it is the same reason why I choose to write
this day to its form. I asked passenger sitting near by,“ which is next
station? “ .“Bellari” , he replied. “ how much more time to bellari? , I asked
like a curious child. “just half an hour” , he said.
Yes , what you think is true ,
enroute bellari in search of “sreevenkhitajalapathi trades”. It was more three years since that day. Now I have good
job , all because of her or , I believe so. I was also sure going in search of
her , was really stupid idea , but why not “ are yaar zindagi ek hi tho he ,
agar yeh barbaad karega tho jeeyenga kaun?”! this is just a try , for that true
love I had and made me different. I don’t know she is still there , is she
married or not , will she love me , may be she even wont understand me. Am bit
tensed , pray for me , sorry…….US
THE END
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