ചിലന്തി വലയും കുടിയേറ്റസമരക്കാരും -എച് ആര്‍ കെ

അസ്ഥിരമല്ലാത്ത ഒരു ഞ്യാറാഴ്ച്ച ദിവസം ഒരല്‍പ്പം ദിവാസ്വപ്നം കണ്ടു ഇരുന്നപ്പോഴാണ് അമ്മ , കുടിയേറ്റ സമരക്കാരെ ഒഴിപ്പിക്കണം എന്ന് പറയുന്നത്. ജീവിതത്തില്‍ അവരുടെ ( അച്ഛനും അമ്മയും ) നല്ലൊരു ഭാഗം ചില്ലവാക്കി പണിഞ്ഞ ഒരു കൊച്ചു വീടാണ് ഞങ്ങളുടെ. രണ്ടു പേരും ജോലിക്കാരായത് കൊണ്ട് വീടിനു ഒരല്‍പം അടുക്കും ചിട്ടയും കുറവാണെന്ന് എനിക്കും തോന്നിയിട്ടുണ്ട് , അടുക്കും ചിട്ടയും അടിമത്തം ആണെന്ന ഒരു കാഴ്ചപ്പാടാണ് ഞാന്‍ വെച്ച് പുല്ലര്‍ത്തിയത് , അത് അല്‍പ്പം പോലും ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടാന്‍ വയ്യ എന്നത് കൊണ്ടാണ് ഒരു ബുദ്ധിജീവി പരിവേഷം കൈ കൊണ്ടത്‌. ജോലി ചെയുന്നതിനോപ്പം തന്നെ വീട്ടില്ലേ ജോലിയും ഒരു പരാതിയുമില്ലാതെ ചെയുന്ന അമ്മമാര്‍ ശരിക്ക് അല്‍ഭുതമാണ് . അങ്ങനെ ആയതുകൊണ്ട് തന്നെ അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞ ഞാന്‍ മരുത് പറയില്ല. വീടിന്റെ രണ്ടാം നിലയില്‍ ഉയര്‍ന്ന ഭാഗങ്ങല്ലെല്ലാം അവര്‍ സ്വന്തമാക്കിയിരുന്നു . ഈ വീടിനു മേലുള്ള സമ്പൂര്‍ണ അവക്കാശം ഞങ്ങളുടെതായിരുന്നു , ഇതു ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നതില്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ അവരില്‍ ആരുടേയും സാമ്പത്തിക സഹായമോ ശാരീരക സഹയാമോ തേടിയിട്ടില , എങ്കിലും ഇവരുടെ പൂര്‍വികര്‍ എവിടെ ചിലന്തി നൂലുകള്‍ കൊണ്ട് വല നെയ്യുമ്പോള്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ മറുത്തു ഒന്നും പറഞ്ഞില , അതിനു ഒരു തരത്തിലുള്ള കരവും വാങ്ങിയില്ല . സ്ഥലം വൃത്തികേടാക്കരുത് , കൂടുതല്‍ ഉപദ്രവിക്കരുത് അത്രെയേ പ്രതീക്ഷിച്ചുള്ളൂ. പക്ഷെ അവര്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ അവര്‍ക്ക് നല്‍കിയ ബഹുമാനം തിരിച്ചു നല്ക്കുകയോ അവരുടെ പരമ്പര സൃഷ്ടിക്കുന്നതില്‍ യാതൊരു തരത്തിലുള്ള സംയപനം പാലിക്കുകയോ ചെയ്തില , അതിന്റെ ഫലമായായി ഞങ്ങളുടെ ചുമരുകളും മേല്‍കൂരയും അവരുടെ സാമ്രാജ്യം കൊണ്ട് നിറഞ്ഞു , എങ്കിലും അവര്‍ തികഞ്ഞ ഗാന്ധിയന്‍മാരായിരുന്നു , അര്‍ദ്ധന്ഗ്നരായി അവര്‍ രാവും പകലും നൂല്‍ നൂറ്റു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു . മഹാത്മാവ് ഇന്ത്യയിലെ ചിലന്തികളെ വരെ സ്വാധീനിച്ചു എന്നത് എന്നെ അഭിമാനപുളകിതനാക്കി എന്നാ വസ്തുത ഞാന്‍ നിഷേധിക്കുന്നില്‍ പക്ഷെ എന്റെ ഉള്ളിലും അമര്ഷ്മുണ്ടായിരുന്നു . ഓണക്കാലത്ത് വീട്ടില്‍ വന്നപ്പോഴും അമ്മ ഇതേ കാര്യം രാജ്യാന്തര തലത്തില്‍ എന്നോട് പറഞ്ഞതാണ് . പലെസ്തിന്‍ ഇസ്രായില്‍ പ്രശ്നം ചൂട് പിടിച്ചു നിന്നത് കൊണ്ടാവണം എനിക്ക് എന്തോ അവരെ ഒഴിപ്പിക്കാന്‍ തോന്നിയില , പലെസ്തിന്റെ നിസഹായ അവസ്ഥ എന്നെ അത്രയേറെ വേദനിപ്പിച്ചിരുന്നു . ഞാന്‍ അവരോടു വളരെ സൌമ്യമായ ഭാഷയില്‍ ജനപെരുപ്പം കുറക്കണം എന്നും ഉള്ള സ്ഥലത്ത് ഒതുങ്ങണം എന്നും അപേക്ഷിക്കുക വരെ ചെയ്തു. പക്ഷെ അവര്‍ എന്നെ അല്‍പ്പം പോലും ചെവികൊണ്ടില എന്ന് ഈ വരവിനാണ് മനസിലായത്. ഒരല്‍പം സ്ഥലം പോലും ബാകി വെക്കാതെ അവര്‍ സുസ്ഥിരമായ സമരാജ്യം ഉറപ്പിക്കുകയും , ഞാന്‍ ഒതുക്കി വെച്ച പുസ്തകങ്ങളില്‍ വല കെട്ടുകയും ചെയ്തിരുന്നു . അമ്മ ഇങ്ങനെയൊരു ആവശ്യം കൂടി ഉന്നയിച്ചപ്പോളാണ് ഇസരെയിലിന്റെ പ്രത്യശാസ്ത്രങ്ങള്‍ എനിക്ക് മനസിലായത് , ശരിയല്ലെങ്കിലും യുദ്ധം തന്നെ പോംവഴി എന്നാ അവസ്ഥ ആയിരുന്നു . ഉച്ചമയങ്ങി തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ കുറ്റിചൂലും നീളന്‍ തോട്ടിയും വെച്ച് ആക്രമണം ആഴിച്ചു വിട്ടു . കൊച്ചു കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളും വയോവൃദ്ധന്മാരെയും കൊല്ലാതെ ഇരിക്കാന്‍ പരമാവധി ശ്രദ്ധിച്ചു ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ കര്‍ത്തവ്യം തുടങ്ങി . അവരുടെ പാര്പിടങ്ങള്‍ ഓരോന്നായി ഞാന്‍ പിച്ചി ചീന്തി . അവര്‍ അസ്ഥിത്വം ഇല്ലാത്തവരെ പോലെ അയാള്‍ രാജ്യങ്ങളിലേക്ക് ഓടി ഒള്ളിച്ചു , പക്ഷെ തിരിച്ചു ആരും യുദ്ധം ചെയ്തില , അവര്‍ ഗാന്ധിയന്മാര്‍ ആയിരുന്നു , അങ്ങോളം ഇങ്ങോളം “ ഹേ റാം” വിള്ളികള്‍ മുഴങ്ങി , ഇവര്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടി സംസാരിക്കാന്‍ മേനക ഗാന്ധി പോലും മുതിര്‍ന്നില്ല . സ്വയം പാര്‍പ്പിടം കെട്ടി താമസിക്കുകയും , ആക്രമണം ആഴിച്ചു വിടാത തികഞ്ഞ മാന്യന്മാരായിരുന്നു ചിലന്തികള്‍ , ഒരു കരനതടിച്ചാല്‍ മറു കരണം കാണിച്ചു കൊടുക്കുന്നവര്‍ , മിണ്ടാതെ വിനയത്തോടെ സത്യാഗ്രഹം അനുഷ്ടിച്ചവര്‍ , പക്ഷെ അവരുടെ അവകാശങ്ങള്‍ അന്നും ഇന്നും അടിച്ച്മാര്തപെട്ടു , പട്ടികളും ആനകളും തരാം കിട്ടുമ്പോള്‍ ദ്രോഹിച്ചും പേടിപ്പിച്ചും  അവകാശങ്ങള്‍ നേടി എടുത്തു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു . പക്ഷെ ചിലന്തികള്‍ ഒന്നും ചെയ്തില്ല , ഓരോ തവണ ചതച്ചു അരക്കപെടുമ്പോഴും അവര്‍ ചിരിച്ചു തന്നെ ഇരുന്നു , രക്ഷപെടുന്ന ബാകി ഉള്ളവര്‍ ഭൂമി അച്ചുതണ്ടില്‍ സ്വയം ഒന്ന് കറങ്ങുന്ന നേരം കൊണ്ട് വീണ്ടും പന്തല്‍ കെട്ടി സമരം അനുഷ്ട്ടിച്ചു പൊന്നു , പിന്നെയും കുരുതി , പിന്നെയും “ ഹേ റാം” വിളികള്‍. എന്തായാലും ഞാന്‍ അവരെ കൊല്ലുകയോ പരികേല്പ്പിക്കുകയോ ചെയ്തില , ഓടി രക്ഷപെടാന്‍ അനുവദിച്ചു , നീണ്ട 2 മണിക്കൂറില്‍ അവരുടെ സാമ്രാജ്യം പരിപൂര്‍ണമായി ഞാന്‍ തുടച്ചു നീകി . അവരുടെ അവശിഷ്ടങ്ങള്‍ അമ്മ അടിച്ചു വാരുകയും , മരിച്ചു വീണവരെയും പരികെട്റ്റവരെയും അമ്മ അടിച്ചു വാരി കളഞ്ഞു . കുടിയെട്ടകാര്‍ ഒഴിഞ്ഞ മേല്‍കൂര തെളിഞ്ഞു നിന്നു. വൈകുന്നേരം ചായയില്‍ അമ്മ അല്‍പ്പം പഞ്ചസാര കൂട്ടി ഇട്ടു , ഞാന്‍ ഒരു അല്‍പ്പം പാപ ഭാരത്തില്‍ കണ്ണടച്ചു ഉത്തരം നോക്കി ഇരുന്നു , അപ്പോഴാണ്‌ ഞാന്‍ ജീവനോടെ വിട്ട ബഹുഭൂരിപക്ഷം  കുടിയേറ്റ സമരക്കാരും , ഒരു മൂലയില്‍ സമേള്ളനം കൂടുകയും  തീ പാറുന്ന പ്രസംഗങ്ങള്‍ നടത്തുകയും ചെയ്തു , പക്ഷെ അവര്‍ ആരും നട്ടെല്ല് ഇല്ലാത്ത രാഷ്ട്രിയം കാണിച്ചില , നേതാവടക്കം എല്ലാവരും ആ കുരുതി കളത്തില്‍ വീണ്ടും നൂല് നൂറ്റു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു , ധീരമായി , അല്‍പ്പം പോലും സങ്കടമിലാതെ . ആശയസംബനമായ സത്യാഗ്രഹം മൌനം കൊണ്ട് എഴുതുന്ന വിപ്ലവം പോലെ തോന്നി . ഞാന്‍ ചായ രുചിച്ചു , അവരെ നോക്കി പുഞ്ചിരിച്ചു , ഒരു കൊച്ചു ചിലന്തി അത് കാണുകയും ബാകി ഉള്ളവരെ വിളിച്ചു എന്നെ കാണിച്ചു കൊടുക്കയും ചെയ്തു . ഞാന്‍ ആകെ പാപ ഭാരം കൊണ്ട് തല താഴ്ത്തി , എന്നിറ്റു അവരുടെ രൂക്ഷംമായ നോട്ടം എങ്ങനെയെന്ന ആക്കാംഷയില്‍ ഒള്ളി കണ്ണു ഇട്ടു അവരെ നോക്കി , പക്ഷെ അവര്‍ എന്നെ നോക്കി പുഞ്ചിരിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു നിഷ്കളങ്കമായി.   

ക്ഷേത്രയോട്ടം

 
പണ്ട് പണ്ട് , അതായത് ഇന്ത്യക്ക് സ്വാതന്ത്ര്യം കിട്ടുന്നതിനു മുന്‍പ് , അമേരിക്ക യുനിട്ടെദ് ആവുന്നതിനു തൊട്ടു മുന്‍പ് ....അങ്ങ് മെക്സിക്കോയില്‍ അധികം ആരും കേറി ചെല്ലാത്ത ഒരു അമ്പലം ഉണ്ട് , "മായന്‍ " സംസ്കാരത്തിന്റെ ബാകി പത്രം , ഭീകരജീവികളും , മാത്രതന്ത്രങ്ങളും , ആഭിചാരക്രിയയും, മരണകെണികളും , അപകടങ്ങളും നിധി കാത്തു സൂക്ഷിക്കുന്ന "ശ്രീ രാജവിരാട ഭീകരജീവി ക്ഷേത്രം " , അങ്ങ് ശ്രി കോവിലില്‍ഇരിക്കുന്ന പഞ്ചലോഹ വിഗ്രഹം കാക്കാന്‍ കാലം കുറെയായി പലരും ശ്രമിക്കുന്നു മരിച്ചു വീഴുന്നു , ഒരാള് പോലും ജീവനോടെ പുറത്തു വന്ന ചരിത്രമില്ല. അങ്ങനെയിരിക്കെ ആണ് " ഗയ് ടെയ്ജെറെസസ് " എന്നാ സാഹസികന്‍ നിധി കാക്കാന്‍ എത്തുന്നത്‌ , ഭൂമിയില്‍ ഏറ്റവും കഴിവുള്ളവരൊക്കെ അമേരിക്കകാരണലോ ( അടിചെല്പ്പിക്കപെട്ട പൊതുധാരണ ) , അയാള്‍ ആ വിഗ്രഹം എടുത്തു പുറത്ത്കിടക്കുക തന്നെ ചെയ്തു. അപ്പോഴാണ്‌ അയാള്‍ ഒരു അലര്‍ച്ച കേട്ടത് , പുറക്കിലെക്കു തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കവേ ആയാള്‍ കണ്ടു ആള്‍ കുരങ്ങിനോട് സാദൃശ്യം തോന്നുന്ന ഒരു ഭീകരസ്വത്വം , മരണം തൊട്ടു പിറക്കില്‍ എത്തിയത് തിരിച്ചറിഞ്ഞ അയാള്‍ , നിര്‍ത്താതെ ഓട്ടം തുന്ടങ്ങി , ആഘാധ്മായ കൊക്കകള്‍ ഇരുവശവും , ഇടയ്ക്കു ഇടയ്ക്കു വെള്ളച്ചാട്ടങ്ങളും , തുരംഗ തീവണ്ടി പാളയങ്ങളും , ഇടിഞ്ഞു വീഴുന്ന ഒറ്റ വരി പാതകള്‍ , പാറകൂട്ടങ്ങള്‍ , തീതുപ്പുന്ന മരങ്ങള്‍ , ഇതെല്ലാം മറികിടന്നു അയാള്‍ ഓടി , ഓട്ടത്തിന് ഇടയ്ക്കു കിട്ടിയ സ്വര്നങ്ങള്‍ ആയാല്‍ പെറുക്കി എടുത്തു , പക്ഷെ ഒരിക്കല്‍ ഒന്ന് കാലു വഴുതിയ അയാള്‍ ആഗാധ്മായ കൊക്കയിലേക്ക് വീണു ...മരണത്തിനു കീഴടങ്ങുന്നതിന് സമയകണങ്ങള്‍ എണ്ണി താഴേക്കു വീഴവെ , എല്ലാം " സ്ലോ മോഷന്‍ " ആയി . അയാള്‍ക്ക് ജ്ഞ്യനോധയം വന്നതാണ്. അയാള്‍ ഓര്‍ത്തു , ഇത് തന്നെയലെ എല്ലാവരുടെയും ജീവിതം , നിധി പോലെ കിട്ടിയ വില്ലപിടിപ്പുള്ള പഞ്ചലോഹ വിഗ്രഹമാണ്‌ ജീവിതം , തൊട്ടു പിന്നിലും മുന്നിലും മരണം ഉണ്ട് , മരണത്തില്‍ നിന്ന് നമ്മള്‍ ഓടി രക്ഷപെടുകയാണ് , ഇന്നോ നാളെയോ മരണം നമ്മളെ കീഴടക്കുക തന്നെ ചെയും , എങ്കിലും നമ്മള്‍ ഓടാതെ ഇരിക്കില , മരണം നമ്മളെ കീഴടക്കുന്നതിനു തൊട്ടുമുന്പ് നമ്മള്‍ എഴുതി തീര്ക്കുന്നതാണ് ജീവിതം , അവ ചരിത്രത്തില്‍ എഴുതപെടും , ചില്ലപോള്‍ അവ പ്രസിദ്ധമാക്കും , ചില്ലപ്പോള്‍ ആരും ആറിയാതെ പോവും , നമ്മള്‍ ഒരു പാട് കാശ് സംമ്പാദ്ധിക്കും , ഒരുപാട് പ്രശസ്തി സംമ്പാദ്ധിക്കും , ചില്ലപ്പോള്‍ കാന്തം പോലെ എല്ലാ സൌഭാഗ്യങ്ങളും നമ്മളെ തേടി വരും , ചില്ലപ്പോള്‍ നമ്മുക്ക് രക്ഷാകവചം ഉണ്ടാവും , ചില്ലപ്പോള്‍ തലനാരിഴക്ക് നമ്മള്‍ രക്ഷപെടും , അതില്‍ നമ്മള്‍ തീര്‍ക്കുന്ന സുന്ദരഗാഥയാണ് ജീവിതം അത് കൊണ്ട് തന്നെ ജീവിതത്തിലെ ഓരോ സെക്കന്റ്ടും നമ്മള്‍ ജീവിക്കണം , അസ്വധിക്കണം , സത്യത്തില്‍ മരണത്തില്‍ നിന്ന് രക്ഷപെടാന്‍ ആയിരുന്നുവേങ്ങിലും അയാള്‍ ആ അവസാന നിമിഷങ്ങളാണ് ഏറ്റവും ആസ്വധിച്ചത് . മരിച്ചു വീഴവെ ആയാള്‍ , തന്നെ ആരും ആറിയാന്‍ പോക്കുനില്ല , ജീവിതത്തെ കുറിച്ചുള്ള മനോഹരമായ ഈ ചിന്തനങ്ങളും , മരിച്ചു വീഴുന്നതിനു തൊട്ടു മുന്‍പ് ആയാല്‍ അതായിരിക്കണം പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥിച്ചത്‌ . പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥന കേട്ട് കരള്‍ അലിഞ്ഞ ദൈവം അത് വരമായി നല്‍ക്കി .

"ഗയ്‌ ടെയ്ജറെസ്സി"നെ ലോകം അറിയുക്ക തന്നെ ചെയ്തു , ദിവസവും 5 മിനുട്ടെങ്ങില്ലും എല്ലാവരും ഗയ് ആയി മാറി ആ മിനി ജീവിതം ജീവിച്ചു തീര്‍ത്തു , എല്ലാ ദിവസവും ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ എല്ലാ സെക്കന്റ്ടും ആസ്വദിക്കണം എന്ന് സ്വന്തം ജീവിതത്തിലൂടെ അയാള്‍ പഠിപ്പിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു , ലക്ഷങ്ങളെ , ഗയ് ആയി മാറിയ ഓരോ നിമിഷവും അവര്‍ ആസ്വദിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു , കുട്ടികള്‍ തൊട്ടു മുതിരന്നവര്‍ വരെ . ആ വരത്തിന്റെ സാക്ഷാത്കാരമാണ് " ടെമബിള്‍ റണ്‍" ( temple run) എന്ന കളി !!! ജീവിതത്തിലെ ഓരോ നിമിഷവും ആസ്വദിക്കുക , അതില്‍ ജീവിക്കുക , ചരിത്രം നിങ്ങള്‍ അറിയാതെ നിങ്ങളുടെ സ്കോര്‍കാര്‍ഡ് അനക്കി കൊണ്ടിരിക്കും 

നീതിയുടെ തുല്ലാസു

        

അങ്ങനെ ചരിത്രം എഴുതാന്‍ മഷി തീര്‍ന്ന ഒരു ദിവസം , ഒരു സുപ്രധാനമായ സമേള്ളനം നടന്നു. ലോകത്തില്‍ ഇന്ന് ജീവിച്ച എല്ലാ ജീവികളും മനുഷ്യന്റെ ദ്രോഹങ്ങള്‍ക്കു എതിരെ ഒന്നിച്ചു. എല്ലാ ജീവികളിലെയും ഓരോ പ്രതിനിധികള്‍ പങ്കെടുത്തു.മനുഷ്യനോടു ഏറ്റവും അടുത്ത് സാമ്യമുള്ള കുരങ്ങാന്‍ ചര്‍ച്ചയെ മുന്നോട്ടു നയിച്ചു.പരസ്പ്പരം കുശുമ്പും കുന്നായ്മയും ഉള്ളത് കൊണ്ടും , എന്താണ് ഞായം എന്ന് ഉത്തരമില്ലാത്തത് കൊണ്ടും ആവണം , എല്ലാ ദൈവങ്ങളും ചര്‍ച്ച ബഹിഷ്കരിച്ചു. നീലതിമിംഗലവും , വെള്ളലിയും , കോഴിയും , പശുവും ആയിരുന്നു പ്രധാന വാദികള്‍. കൊള്ളാവുന്ന ഒരു ബുദ്ധിജീവി മനുഷ്യനെ പ്രതികൂട്ടില്‍ കയറ്റി. ലക്ഷക്കണക്കിന്‌ മൃഗങ്ങള്‍ സാക്ഷിയാക്കി കുരങ്ങന്‍ തുടങ്ങി , “ കാട് വെട്ടി തെല്ലിച്ചു ഭൂമിയെ കൊല്ലുന്ന , ഭക്ഷണത്തിന് വേണ്ടി ജീവികളെ കൊന്നു തിന്നുന്ന , പ്രതികരിക്കുന്നവരെയും കൊന്നു ഞായം പറയുന്ന , വെറും രസത്തിനു വേണ്ടി വേട്ടയാടുന്ന , മണ്ണ് ചീത്തയാക്കുന്ന , വെള്ളം വിഷമാക്കുന്ന , വായു ....” , “ മതി നിര്‍ത് , ഇങ്ങനെ പറഞ്ഞ ഇന്ന് തീരില്ല “ സിംഹം ഗര്‍ജിച്ചു. കുരങ്ങന്‍ ഒന്ന് തൊണ്ട ഇടറിയ ശേഷം തുടര്‍ന്ന് , “ ഇതിനൊക്കെ എന്താണ് ഞായികരണം , ഒരു മദയാന ഞായിധിപനായി ഇല്ലാത്തതാണോ? , അതോ ഒരു രാജവെമ്പാല പോലീസ് ആവാത്തത് കൊണ്ടോ? , അതോ ഒരു നായ ഇലക്ഷനില്‍ പങ്ക്കുകൊള്ളത്തത് കൊണ്ടോ? ഒരു കടുവ മന്ത്രിയവാത്തത് കൊണ്ടോ? ദൈവങ്ങളുടെ പേരിലും , ജാതിയുടെ പേരിലും , തൊലിയുടെ നിറത്തിന്റെ പേരിലും ഞങ്ങള്‍ ന്യുനപക്ഷ അവകാശങ്ങള്‍ ചോദിച്ചു വരാത്തത് കൊണ്ടോ? നിന്നിലും നിക്ര്ഷ്ടനും , ക്രൂരനും ഭീഷണിയും ആയി ഈ ലോകത്ത് ആരുമില , നിന്നെ പിച്ചി ചീന്താനാണ് ഞങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് തോന്നാറ് , എവിടെ ഞങ്ങള്‍ക്കായി കാഴ്ച ബംഗ്ലാവും , പരീക്ഷണ ശാലകളും , ഇറച്ചി കടകളുമാണ് നീ തുറന്നത് , ചില്ല നല്ല മനസുകളെ ഞങ്ങള്‍ വിസ്മരിക്കുനില , നിന്നിലെ ഭൂരിപക്ഷതെയാണ് ഞാന്‍ ഉദേശിക്കുന്നത് , എന്താണ് നിന്റെ ഞ്യായം , ഹേ പടുവിഡിയായ , മായലോകത്ത് ജീവിക്കുന്ന മനുഷ്യ ...എന്താണ് നിന്റെ നീതി , തമ്മില്‍ തല്ലി നിങ്ങള്‍ ചാവുന്നതിനു മുന്‍പ് പറയു . മനുഷ്യന്‍ ഇങ്ങനെ മറുപടി നല്‍കി , “ തിയറി ഓഫ് എവോലൂഷ്യന്‍ “ , പിന്നെ “ സര്‍വെയ് വല്‍ ഓഫ് ഫിട്റെസ്റ്റ്”. മൃഗങ്ങള്‍ക്കോ ഒള്ളിച്ചിരുന്നു കേട്ട ദൈവങ്ങല്‍ക്കോ എല്ലാം സഹിച്ച ഭൂമിക്കോ ഒന്നും മനസിലായില , കാരണം അവര്‍ ആരും പള്ളികൂടത്തില്‍ പോയിട്ടിലായിരുന്നു!!!!!  

A Love Story……night in a train!!!- HRK

Am age 23 , unlike many I never believed in love , may because in 22 years , I had one story each , and in all stories I had a women , lady or a girl on my opposite side. If I write an autobiography now , I would have named it “ my life and 22+ lady villainess”.  I respect them , don’t misunderstand , am just against love. But fate had some stupid plan , and in 2008 it put me in a class with lot of girls , actually double the number of boys. So according to gracious and glorious probability theory , the probability was two choices for one. But still it didn’t worked , I just increased my girls number in my autobiography title. I used to tease for its helplessness. And on our epic tour , an incident happened that changed my view point towards love.

                         One of the middle days of tour , around 11:30 pm I was drained out completely. I remember that day , the problems where the heroes of the day, running , jumping , answering , questioning and shattered 51 students in 7 compartments and even more shattered in each and every compartment. Situation was even worse than we thought , on that that day , oil field of frustration was already lit up , and train was like giving a thunderstorm with flood of oil in to that. On 5 th compartment I was assigned as the guardian of my friends pallu and midhu , and there me , swaathy , bini , sree , reshma , pallavi and midhu was having a stastical analysis of situation hence forth .

                                                   That chat was little soothing , especially I came to know about the attitude as a decision to be taken!! Any way it was about 1 am , we all were tired , obviously next plan was sleeping. And then was the “but” moment, they all had a berth to sleep , but not me!! It was occupied by a boy of around 7 years old , he may have done it by mistake. Actually that compartment should be named as “children only” , its 90% was occupied by children. I tried my max to wake him up , but that boy was super naturally quarantined to my voice and touch , in short he continued to sleep on “myyyyy” birth. The “Sherlock Holmes” in  me , managed to spot their teacher , the mug head who was really responsible for the misplacement of commodity to my bloody privacy being the authority with maturity. He internally blamed me and externally he rushed and showed all his anger of “breaking a sleep in late night is something I hate” to that little boy who was still half asleep , enough to move, enough to sleep. And I felt so sorry and I told him so humbly , “ sir , am really sorry , it was my mistake I came to tour , I reserved a seat , I travelled in this train and questioned your management mastery , let him sleep there” , he smiled to me like a joker , he and his student in matter of seconds was asleep. And atlast , as always I was alone. I sat near my buddies and let them sleep , actually they told they will adjust. But I knew they were sick and tired and told them to take rest. I was really tired , I hardly slept last night too( oru pushpam mathram..:P :P :P ) , head was aching. I cursed myself for being myself , unknowing my destiny was just 5 seats away from me , sitting just like me.

                When everyone was sleeping , I walked through compartment to the door , where there was light , standing there for sometime , I walked back to seat. Then I saw a girl , sitting on seat near head of an aged man who was sleeping . Face was not that clear , still it seemed bright , from mild light that came in and out through the window , I figured she was wearing a yellow creamy colored saree. She and me were only two passengers awake in that compartment  , may be in that train. She should have had my problem , because all I could see was children and children only.i went back to my friends , for my luck I thought two persons got out at the station train stopped . when train moved without owners for vacant seat I felt like seeing food after a week. Once I l settled I slept , but due to my luck on very next station 25 minutes latter somebody was asking me for their seat. Though I smiled to them something else was running in mind. So once again I went to door. Innocence sucks , I thought , still was bit happy that , a small boy who don’t know anything about most of the things were sleeping because of me. Train was moving faster now , in that compartment , all windows except one window was closed , this was also closed but only pane of glass . through that glass window light came and went. I looked there , it was her , she was awake and at that exact moment train passed a station , but train had no stop there. The point is that , the light rushed through that window , and it was the first time I saw her face clearly. It had a golden glow at that time , and it was unbelievable.  I cant clame you it was a beautiful face , but at that place , at that time , at that sight she was nymph from heaven  travelling in a train. I couldn’t stop staring at her , I even forgot at the same condition I told above , it was the worst best thing I could do it her on my standards. Somehow managed to turn my head from her , I was forced to look again in matter of seconds. Then again I turned head from her and decided not to look at her till I finish counting hundred . I wanted to go from there , but inside I know something better , “ without even having a seat to sit , where the hell will I go , and by far it was greatest moment of tour”. But before completing 25 I looked her again , but at that exact moment , she magically looked me ( station was passed , only slight light is there , also to happen all this things when a train passing station in almost 70 km per hour , this not any bloody movie for station to be too long).  We got an eye lock , and for first time my heart beat or I felt it beat in rhythm , no logical statements where processing in my head , but there were only heart , and heart only.    

                            After that , I moved from there to side , so that she will be little comfortable. Around 3:55 am train stopped in a station , I walked back to friends to see every thing was okay , and I had to pass her for that. Sitting on seat , she was having a nap , I looked at her face , yes it was beautiful. In her forehead she had a small bindhi  ,her face was round , she had a proportional nose , a sparkling nose stud , wide and beautiful eyes (it was half open), beautiful lips that could make a smile even more beautiful. When I was about to pass her , she opened her eyes. I don’t know who was first , but she smiled and she just purchased my heart and emotions on wholesale. I just wanted to be with her from then , I know it was extreme of stupidity , but I felt EXACTLY THAT!!!! But I forgot to stop , and I was walking and I passed her! “ what a fool am I ???” , I thought , then I thought I will go back , then I thought that was too foolish to act like a dog who saw bone. I controlled somehow and sat near that boy. Pallu and midhu were in deep sleep , they were to tired , I wished to yell them about this , but all were sleeping. By 4 15 train reached another station , I got out to buy a bottle of water , and purposefully entered compartment from the door near by her. I walked to her in slow motion , train was getting acceleration , there was trembling sounds , it was still dark , and I walked. Now don’t get your heart beats up , am just walking that’s all , no other plans. And this time I smiled , may be in best way I ever did in my whole life , I was pretty sure it had a standard , and you know what she returned me a heaven , a wonderful smile. “ Maine aapakko kabhi kahi dekha hai!!” , (I have seen you before somewhere) , I was shocked , may be half paralysed , in all this situations we boys used to plan and find somekind of way to make her speak , for past 23 years..and now it just happened in an unexpected way. If you like to play football , it was like goalie of opposition gives us ball and staying away from post. I wanted to reply to her like in 1970-80’s , “hammare rishthe sathiyon purane , dekha hoga muje pichale janmom me , tumare aankhon me aankh mila kar , baita hoga tere haath dham kar” ( our relations extend to births , you would have seen me closer enough holding your hands and diving to your eyes) , however I controlled and replied , “ noo , no chance , am first time here” , just wishing deeply that she identify I was regretting for that. “maghar aap hindhi aache bholthe hai , kya aap mujse mazaag karthi he” ( but you are speaking hindi well , I hope you are not playing jokes with me) , she replied politely with confusion! “ maafi maangatha hum , aaje se hindi nahi bathounga , magar aap mujmem yakheen karna chahiye , mujhe aap se choot nahi bol sakthe” ( am really sorry for that , I wont speak hindi again , but you have to believe me  , I cant lie to you) , I said it all in a sudden , it was genuine and I said it from heart , but it worked really well , well done me , she was laughing , not laughing it was spring!!!  “Why you not sleeping??”, I asked her. She replied in her beautiful voice (it was sharp and creamy) , “ my seat there is occupied by a child , I let him sleep there , also I don’t feel like sleeping”. I really thanked that mug head teacher , am sure he had hands in this , it would have been his bloody idea to direct children to unoccupied seat , but I liked it now. I just laughed and told “ actually me too have your same reason for this sleepless night , great co incidence “! She smiled and asked , “where are you from? , what you doing?“  I replied her we where from kerala and where engg final years came for tour. When I returned same question , she replied , “ we are going to bellari , our home town , why don’t you sit here? , she showed me a little space in a seat a boy was sleeping. I sat there and smiled , I gave her water I bought , she never asked , never denied it , she was thirsty and I knew it. I just don’t know how. The wind was hovering inside through the door , I felt like that wind had some life for love , it just kept teasing her by playing on her silky smooth hair. She was gorgeous , and each minute was beautiful. She was on the way to bellari with her brother and father. She haven’t studied much , but she was matured and strong. Her father was doing business , a shop “ sreevenkidajalapathi trades” , and she was helping his father. Her mother’s mother tongue  was telugu and father’s were hindi. I don’t know how that happened , however that crazy choice made my day different , sorry poor choice of words , fantastic! We laughed , we talked , we even shared secrets. She told her marriage will be her choice only , she never liked her brother , she likes to travel , she want to buy a cycle , she wanted to drive car , she wants to complete plus two , she wanted to see “Mahesh babu” , her favorite hero..like it went on. And when it came to me , I told her whole story of mine,  the problems I face in tour , my life. I just told her everything inside , which even I was unaware of. I was a negative person , I was too emotional , I felt she would have thought me weak. we shared like we were too close , for same reason I sat with heads down telling her I had only problems. And she touched my hand , it was a moment I can’t explain , “heyyyy….come on , are yaar ek hi zindagi he , agar yeh bekraar karega tho , jeeyega kabh , hmmm???”(we have only one life , if you spoil this , when will you actually live) I was almost a step near to tear , I wanted to hug her  tight and wanted never to leave her. It was not any feeling I had for her , but it was pure love I felt. I smiled and got up before I actually cried and told her will be back and walked. Though I didn’t speak , she too remaining in silent , we spoke a million words , and I walked. It was already 7 , I ran around all train , to check every one. In between I passed her many times , most of times I had a half cut mineral water bottle and a knife. And for next two hours I had no rest at all. It was 9 , me , paul , sam and rijo was taking numbers for breakfast and train stopped. As it was my unusual behavior , I checked name of station which had nothing particular at all. On the yellow painted block in black letters it was written “BELLARI”. Yes it was her stop , I felt like hell and blamed myself and I ran. I ran just like in films , she was four compartments away and train will take in 5 minutes. I don’t remember the way I went , but I reached somehow. She was already packed up , and she was in queue to get down. Our eyes met and it was getting wet , I walked to her with pain in my heart and said , “it was really a pleasure meeting you , I assure you , we will see again”. I said this words and unsaid was a million words with most important three words , “I love you’ ! I felt each second from bottom , and in those seconds we talked , I don’t know what , why , how? But only left was a feeling of pain , sorrow and of coarse love. She smiled and said , “sure , I will look for you”! I walked past her , I doubted we will cry at that point it was something not to be happened. Then I suddenly remembered we talked almost for “3 hours”  , but we never knew each others name. I know you will be surprised and you may think this is whole drama , but you should believe me  , that is one reason special about writing this story. I walked back and went close to her , and asked on her ears ,” escuse me , am hari , may  iknow your ..?” she came closer with a smile , and in my ears she whispered in her crisp buttery voice , “AASHA”! Instead of going to brain , that name went to my heart. It meant “ wish” , it was beautiful , yes she was my wish! I replied , “alvidha , phir millenge”. She smiled sadly and waved me goodbye , without being noticed by her father and brother she waved as long as she could and I kept staring at her. It was a beautiful day , I experienced love as feeling but it was much more than a thought or feeling , it was a bondage of emotions and affection that grew a two to one fullness. Love at first sight that was.

                                      Actually I had plenty lot of time in train , it is the same reason why I choose to write this day to its form. I asked passenger sitting near by,“ which is next station? “ .“Bellari” , he replied. “ how much more time to bellari? , I asked like a curious child. “just half an hour” , he said.

                                         Yes , what you think is true , enroute bellari in search of “sreevenkhitajalapathi trades”. It was more  three years since that day. Now I have good job , all because of her or , I believe so. I was also sure going in search of her , was really stupid idea , but why not “ are yaar zindagi ek hi tho he , agar yeh barbaad karega tho jeeyenga kaun?”! this is just a try , for that true love I had and made me different. I don’t know she is still there , is she married or not , will she love me , may be she even wont understand me. Am bit tensed , pray for me , sorry…….US

                                                         THE END                                                    

                                                         

A CHOICE TO MAKE!! – HRK

“It was past who taught more than anything else, the things that happened 2 years before is clear for me. I will share this with you, word by word, if you get something from this, I will be really delighted. I can still remember clear, a day 2 years before….”

                                                 At the age 24 , on an eve by this time I was sitting in right most premises  of sofa set watching a cricket match. India versus Australia , and as if it was sure at that time India , was in verge of losing. Basically I liked two games at that time , cricket and football. I know you got a very athletic image of me , and am teaching you a lesson for free , “never over assume” , coz I liked to watch cricket on TV and liked to play football on pc. I always loved to be a nerd or hacker, with big goggles typing so fast , it was cool for me. That is why I took degree in B Sc computer science. After completing 3 year degree in just 5 years it was time for job hunt. Getting graduated late is not getting graduated at all. Any way in that time span of two years I worked in a computer institution, it had an internet café running by side. In this period of time I really got mastered in computer. The reason is because I had to teach a beautiful girl c programming , it started with c and it continued with c, c++ , java ..i even did project for her , she was my junior. Yes you guessed right , it was a love story . I took 6 months time , to propose and 2 more months to make her say yes. In last two months her father and brothers repeatedly said no to me. I lost that job, she got married to some gulf guy who was running a super market, right near palm island. Well, I was screwed, she was happy, her parents where happy, but my parents where not. But had lot of plus points , I mastered in computer , I graduated ( it was only for her ) , I knew how to propose , how to go and ask a person’s daughter directly in his face , and getting beat for same reason. Well some said that is life. But it left me in a black ditch , I felt so hollow. I saw myself as a guy with attitude, who had a dream, and brave. But society saw me as jobless, parasite, fool..etc, even she said no claiming same. And next part of life started, it was damn bad. Any way it is all ok , let’s come back , India is in verge of losing , and at that exact moment my father came in. as you already aware of story I said before , the biggest challenge I faced was my dad. So just imagine am a victim, sorry culprit of post war situation , and am standing holding my country flag before the head quarters of victorious country with an ak 47 and exact moment the president came before me . Guess what will happen. I just hold my breath and sat like a scripture so that my dad will get me confused as non living thing. But I have already put my bleeding leg in tank of piranhas. With a ton of pity and anger in his sound he called mom and talked to her right in front of me. It was like torture, I hated when he talked indirectly using me , it was very provoking. “Tell him to go and attend interview next week , it is being conducted in his college , I can’t take it anymore..Thanks we didn’t had a daughter , with people like this in home we would not have managed to get her married”. Mom was a innocent, loving Indian mother. She always supports her son; she acted very brilliantly this time. She asked him about details of interview, just like she didn’t understood he was angry at me. However I had completely gone insane , still I sat there , coz I believed that is attitude. He continued ,” I went to see mr.menon , today , his son in law is hr manager in tml softtech solutions , and this company is going to conduct a campus recruitment in “your son’s” college. When I said about him , he managed to give him a chance to attend interview. Next Monday he told to report on college , he will be allowed to participate .If he cracks the interview he will have the job , tell him to get prepared than just eating up in TV”. And he just walked away , may be he wanted to show he had an attitude. I kept changing channels by then , as soon as my dad was away from scene , I just dashed out. As job was offered by my father  , I never even wanted to attend interview , also I never liked that job. But I too needed a break , I wanted to get in to something. So though I didn’t showed , I was ready to attend that interview.

( after one week , the night before interview) it was almost 8.00 pm, I was in my room getting my arsenal ready , certificates from my fossil Egyptian past ..like first price in monoact  in second standard , may be they are looking for a guy who got first for monoact in standard second; lined blue shirt and black trousers ironed , tie with silver lines on violet , polished shoes. It was all ready and I heard a knock on the door. It was my dad , he entered room , and sat on the chair. I acted like I was busy , then he spoke , “ I heard there are will be only few for interview , if you just give a little try , you will have this job. You have to reach there by 8 30 , so if you want you can use car , all the best do well”. I was shocked coz , my father I haven’t talked to me so calm for about 1016 days , 8 hours , 15 minutes and 46 seconds. I felt his hope and tensions then , and I came to know how important it was for him to get me to this job. Late night I browsed internet , for the first time I typed “ most asked interview questions and answer”

                                                Morning I woke up early , I was surprised to see I had the ability to do so . I went to brush and there I did my self introduction. Took a bath , went temple , being back I dressed quickly . when it was about to go , mom came up with aarti , and she blessed me. I touched her feet , she was smiling beautifully as always , I have felt this every time that she was Goddess. She kept a 500 rs in my pocket and told me to take food incase it gets late. Also she whispered to touch fathers feet , I didn’t liked that much. Still for her happiness I went and touched my fathers feet who was standing near door , he just prayed and gave me key. Maruthi 800 , pure white with “ chaithanaya “ written in glass (8 years old) , that was our car. I waved hands to mom , and I drove the car to college. On reaching college , I admitted taking car was a good decision , due to which I reached there by 8.15 and that too without sweating. I registered on the help desk of the interview. There was hardly a dozen including me for interview then , but within minutes that room was over saturated to around 25o , then again it doubled. I was sure by 9 am , there were more than 500. Then announcement came for us to move to the seminar hall which as big enough for all to get settled. 

Chapter two

As it is , so it was

The announcement just occur created human tide like bees making noise moving to seminar hall. As we reached there, it was more like the auditorium (this was newly built).i felt like I was in cia head quarters when some aliens hacked America. The people where really mad, they were running, talking, calling. Then students of college who where volunteers of this interview took the hectic task of making all people seated , when they fed up telling people they used mike and gave another announcement. They kept repeating it around ten times to get all people in seat. Although all were seated , the situation of tension seemed to keep a steady value and it gives signs it will increase. Some of them where talking each other , they was possibly having some jokes about interviews and where laughing around , it was good to watch. Some were not talking , they were sitting like they were accused for a double murder case , they were serious guys. Some sat like their girl friend was pregnant , I could hear their heart beats like , heavy war drums. Some were on phone giving live updates to their family. Some came with their parents , and parents seemed much more violent than them. They seemed running around and asking every living being about interview , then they came to their sons / daughters and gave them points. Some where so confident , they were like “ohhh we already got this job , am ceo and he is gm , who the hell are you”. Some were using this situations to head crash in to group of girls with by hearted jokes , they acted like they know all about interviews. And there were guys like me who looked all over here and there as we had nothing to do. Then I turned my right side and saw a guy sitting there. He was having glasses , and he had the dressing style of 1969 vintage collection. He saw I looking him , he gave a look like I asked 100 rupees , then he continued with his phone. Though I smiled at him , he simply ignored me. He was from “ ohh I already got job….” Category, who cares I thought. Then within one minute he called me , “ hey you know when will this interview starts , its already 9” . I told him , “ it will start soon, I think they are getting things set”. He went back to his previous position, then he turned to his right side and asked a girl’s father , “excuse me  , you know when will this interview will start??” ! I was like WTF , WHAT THE HELL I TOLD HIM? ! The man who he asked already know the answer , but he said he don’t know. I think that dad thought hiding the information about when the interview will start will take that spectacle creature two steps behind her daughter. When he turned I reacted like I don’t know what he asked. Then he took his phone, and dialed his dad, then he asked “ dad , call to their enquiry and ask them when this interview will start and inform me at once” . I was shocked to think what kind of genus he was , what the hell he is doing , and it was not over he took mobile and opened e-mail sent by company .Then he showed me this e mail in which it was written the interview will start by 9.00am. I nodded head with a fake smile supporting his credible argument , I was afraid he was going sue a case against this company for stealing away his valuable 11 minutes. And finally the most awaited moment came , a corporate lady with straightened hair and 5 inch thick make up and glossy red lip stick in blue sari managed to a one meter look “ goooooood morning , can I have your attentttttttionnnn”. All fall suddenly silent , and then she explained the script of things that was going to happen in next few hours. The interview had just two parts , first was an exam with 100  questions to be answered in 60 minutes , the one who scores above their expected score will be qualified for next step which is a face to face interview. It was   simple, easy to understand and easy to do. I was not tensed, that is some part I liked in myself. I was confident but not over confident and was not worried about results. The exam will be in computer labs , there was three I think. The volunteers grouped the candidates including me and took us to different labs  according to its capacity. And then started exam , I had to first type my name and then registration number before starting exam. I really liked their way they handled such a situation so easily. In fact I was starting to like that company and was dreaming to be part of it. My co-candidates keep on calling examiners with plenty of doubts like , “ can we  answer 5^th question before 1^st question? , what is the score to get passed??” etc. Well , I felt no tension neither anticipation , it seems like the big two past years have brought in to me a calmness and certain level of maturity. My exams were over by 11:50 am , and I was one of last batch , we were again told to wait in same place we sat before. Then we waited with tensions for results. But this time that hall was lot more peaceful than it was before. That guy was again by my side , he was in his bloody phone and he was showing some actions like crashing something in air , “jai ho” , kicking in ground etc. crashing something in air meant , he made answer wrong , but more than that it meant he knew that but he made it wrong , kicking in ground meant he just missed like he wrote dog instead of god , and “jai ho” of course he made it right. And I knew how much he made right, it was very simple he didn’t do much “jai ho” , most of the time it was “air punch” and “kick grounds” . They announced results will be out within 30 minutes. That question guy was now targeting me , he now wanted to establish that the exam was too tough , not tough crooked , that was word he used. I kept nodding , to make him shut I even told him I don’t even answered single question. That made him happy  I think , he got back his lost confidence .Then  by  12 45 pm the same lady who explained about the rules came with results. She said that they have selected the people who had more than 65 points , and all she requested the persons to move to the exam hall nearby as she called name and register number. The names will be displayed in screen too. I have heard about this companies interview that they took every person who qualified written exam. So it was really tough to get qualified their written exams. One more thing which was good about this company was , although they were a large firm , they never worried about back logs , according to them it was performance not percentile which was valuable. So it was the most perfect place for me , “as it is , so it was “ , I thought. The madam started calling over names , and it was like a shock as I heard my name . I acted like numb , but I stood up with a chill when I heard my name for second time. The guy of question opened his eyes so wide I thought it will fall down. And he was just like a question mark and looked with an expression like I snatched something of him. I turned my head and walked , I heard he started asking questions , he was almost to cry as I told him I didn’t had a single right answer before and I was walking to exam hall right through front of his eyes. And that was the last time I saw him in my life. As I walked in they welcomed all of us with a smile and they explained about next part. And they give a printed paper of requirements and details. I gave a careless look to it ,as I thought I already had the things. Then only I noticed the last line , “ 5 copies of resume has to be submitted by 2.00 pm”. I had only one resume , it was not their mistake, they had already said that in mail they sent to others , but as I came to interview by recommendation I was unaware of this factor.  The college store was not opened today , but I was not tensed , there was a shop outside college not so far. That shop was only shop which had Photostat facility in that locality, I  took my file and walked  to car parking for my white maruthi.    

Chapter 3

A choice to make!!!

The college was situated almost 4 km away from highway and this shop was almost near the college.  The maruthy 800 seemed pretty show off , so I just left car in parking and walked out. Majority of the crowd there was pulling back. Some were sad , some irritated , some were depressed , and few didn’t give any shit about anything below the sky. I went to the shop , which had an attached cool bar.  The shop was too crowded , may be they thought about having a drink before going back home , it was like a custom of keralities , seeing a cool bar alone will double their thirst and hunger. I had to wait for almost 30 minutes to find who owned shop , another 5 minutes to locate the Xerox machine. Somehow I managed to tell him I needed 5 copies. And you know what it took another 15 minutes for him to sart that machine. It was almost 1:30 , according to theory I had to be happy cracking the exam , but I was not able to enjoy due to the lack of “last point “ in their requirements. At last I got 5 copies of resume , I paid for it and was about to run back to college. When I was about to walk back I saw a small boy riding bicycle , when I saw him I smiled , he returned smile. Then he just wanted to turn his cycle and wanted to go back to place where he came. He should have been unaware about the very existence of traffic rules , he carelessly took a u turn in road without looking back and it happened in sudden. A bike which was not in scene came like a bullet , and before realizing the boy was in middle of road it just smashed off cycle and little boy at almost 110kmph.  The biker who was wearing a helmet before knowing what happened lost his balance and got thrown away from bike. Where the bike took cycle with it , and it was just pieces in second. The boy made the most lethal of crash , he was just displaced like a rocket to a wall by side. He was completely dismantled , he had serious head injury with broken bones. The biker although got his head saved , it seemed none of his bone remain from then. I felt my heart stopped , blood drained off and I felt nothing. The people came running around , I went with them. Many of them yelled watching that boy , some took lead to take both of them to shop , the shop keeper acted all in a sudden he arranged two tables for them. Once they were kept it was an awkward situation , many of them took phone as if they had something with that , but they were confused. All this happened just 1 minute ago , some of them already started to talk about the disadvantages of bike riding and carelessness. The shop keeper was the only one who acted of use in that busy crowd. A majority had the opinion to call ambulance , some said it will be too late to call ambulance , we can ask for vehicle from college , or from some home near by. But none seemed acting , the shop keeper yelled ,” please somebody call a vehicle , do any body had a vehicle…please , make it fast”. Hearing this a group went to a biker and asked them to call autorickshaw and come , one corrected it as taxi. I was sure of one thing , most them had vehicle them , and they have nothing to do as their interview is over , or it is their sons/daughters interview. But none seemed so worried of taking them to hospital but was busy with thinking rick sha , taxi , police , ambulance etc. then I saw around 7 cars were parked outside college , just near the gate. I ran with all my good health yelling them to take car. And when I reached I was just dumb shited by their reaction. He said , “ ambulance will come now , am trying just a minute” . they had vehicles in their hand , they could have started by now , all had big mouth , show offs , fake tensions , but none wanted to do it themselves. I felt a kind of forming in me , I thought what I was doing , I was doing the same thing they did. But I know I had an interview to attend in 15minutes , I have waited two years and it was almost sure. And on the other hand there were two unknown persons fighting to death , being choice of some bodies sympathy. Suddenly I felt it from heart , it was “a choice to make” , it was my bloody choice to make.  Not a single second I wasted then , I ran to parking lot , put file of my certificate in a cover first and I kept it in back of car , which I did in half a second. And I took my car to the shop , pushing break and blowing horn together , with all my sound I could have I told them to take both to the car. The shop keeper and some around table acted quickly to get both to back of the seat. But none wanted to get in , I was almost to cry , muy eyes went wet and throat was dry , I said “plzzzz…somebody”. Shop keeper was only one who noticed it or others acted they don’t. he told to close shutter and got in to car. As there was two persons , one more was needed to hold them. But I was sure nobody is going to come , so I just took the car. Somebody told me they will be in just back of the car , some wanted to give their mobile number to me , so that I can call them , pathetic show offs I thought as I started. With one hand I supported the boy , shop keeper too helped with one hand so that I could change gear. Blood was loosing so much , and boy was unconscious . the biker seemed to cry in pain. I drove  as fast as a maruthi 800 could do. I kept on blowing horns , and put head light to give signal of emergency. I never kept my leg on break and kept on steering the vehicle in angles just like the dials of a falling helicopter. In just 20 minutes I made it to hospital , it was much like a fast and furious ride. The vehicle stopped with screeching sound and I ran to front door yelling emergency. The hospital staff who already noticed our entry was born ready with stretcher. Then it happened all in a sudden , when shop keeper was busy getting biker to stretcher , I ran to other door and took that boy in two hands , without waiting for stretcher I ran to hospital. There was only one stretcher there at that time , I never stopped but I ran to  directions a sister showed me , I heard the sound of friction of wheels in my back , on first left there was icu. As a sister saw me running towards ICU , she ran to the door and opened it for me , and I was followed by the biker in stretcher. They quickly made necessary arrangements and I was not allowed inside and told me to wait outside. Doctors came in quickly , and sweepers cleaned my foot prints from there , and ICU was closed. Then shopkeeper came running to me. As he reached near I told him they are in ICU and doctors went inside. The watch man came asking to move my car to parking so that it wont be a disturbance to following case. I walked to my car , shop keeper took phone and he called someone there to know details about persons and to inform their relatives.  When I was about to move my car , I saw inside of my white car with white seat covers. It was painted in dark red with a foul smell of clotted blood , so was my shirt , looking to shirt I felt like I didn’t wanted to call it a shirt anymore. After parking car I came back to icu , and shop keeper came to me and told he was going. He also said he had made arrangements to inform parents , and he wanted to go to shop as it was not closed. I didn’t answered him , I didn’t had any mood to talk. Head was aching with doing what I did in last 15 minutes. Now next thing was the interview , I should have been inside the hall by 2.00 pm it was the strict instruction so that they never wanted to make it late. So I thought I will give a call to inform them about the situation so that I could go home , change dress and come back. I had already saved number of help desk. First call kept ringing and transformed itself to a miss call , but second was answered after 4^th ring. The voice was so familiar , it was the man with blue sari I thought, “ yess…who am I speaking to ??” . I replied , “ mam , am rahul menon , register number ax062 , I was qualified for interview…but I coud….” , “ where were you? , we have been looking for you all over…how careless you are about your profession , interview already started , and am very happy to tell you there is no more need to come now..” (beeeep) , she shouted at me , even before I could explain what happened . at once I called her again , but her phone was switched off. I didn’t understood what was happening , because it was too dramatic , to switch off a number in help desk number. I could understand the stress they are facing , but they could have heard me at least. I had no time to waste , I thought about going to college and to explain them what happened , there was a half chance still to attend the interview. Actually at that situation I was not in a near position to attend that , still I kept hoping. When I was about to reach the door a sister called me from back.” Excuse me , you have to be here , you cant go”! I was in verge of collapsing , somehow I managed to tell her with calmness in voice , “ madam , their parents will come soon” . but she was not buying , “ you have to be here , you may go after they are here , plzz sit her. I almost begged her with voice dying in throat ,” plzz mam , I have an interview to attend” . she shouted at me , “ you have to wait here , its our protocol , plzz co operate , you may go if somebody responsible comes”. For the first time I leaned to wall and cried , I don’t know why but I felt to do that , or it was only thing happened. Then I suddenly thought about my dad , and his friend’s son in law who was in hr of this company. At once I called home , and my mom took the phone. When I explained her things she started crying , blaming some planets in outer space for my fate , next was father , although he told him the matter , he as always got mad , “ yes , I know once again you proved it , you have any idea how you got this chance…and look at you , the great unsung hero attended an accident case instead of interview. There would have been many to take them other than you, but how will you let that…forget about it , am not asking anybody for you anymore and come home” , (beep). And that was it , I was screwed up , the things just happened was so unfair , it was like a bad dream to happen with zero probability but it just happened. I failed my parents , I ruined my interview , I met people who were so selfish and egoistic , and I lost every thing , and the two I saved was still fighting…..i sat in that corridor with heads down…

                                                                                         

Chapter 4

As Choices so are results!!!

I sat there with eyes closed, for probably very long time. It was around 3 pm when those biker’s relatives came.  They were too tensed, went straight to reception, then to doctor. Some of them took phones and called somebody and one of them, probably his brother went to counter to settle bills, I think he paid for that little boy too. Just in next half an hour the boy’s parents too came, it was heart breaking seen to watch his mother crying. His father was no less, but he was controlling his tears just to act with logic. I should have gone and talked to them, but I was not at all in a situation to explain things. I felt severe head ache and was getting tired. However the biker’s brother gave me a sad smile as he passed me, and went to his mother. Some of his friends came and asked me about it and I explained them, they replied with other details. The boy’s parents where aged , and from their deepest agony it was almost sure that was his only son , and they have waited long for him. One of the sisters came out to inform biker’s parents to inform about his situation. He had serious bone fractures but was recoverable, still they kept crying. Then sister went to boy’s parents with a file and collected details about the boy.  That boy was still critical, may be they needed some conformation over head injury, and how serious it was. I don’t know the medical terminologies so never understood about it, neither do his parents. His mom kept lamenting about her child , but it was justified. She nearly went unconscious and sat keeping head on the shoulders of her husband. He was acting tough but was collapsed inside.

                                                   It was about 5 and I was still there , as I had nothing else to do. As I was staring so long to that crowded entrance , I saw my father walking in to the hospital. I was avoiding home , not to meet my father , but he came for me. Now I just wished he didn’t find me , but he did and when I looked again he was walking right in to me. I took car key , and stood up to give him key and I wanted to tell him I was not coming then. But instead of what I expected , he asked , “ how about them ? , how are them? . I answered him , “ the one who was in bike is safe , albeit he have   serious injuries. The little boy is still have in serious condition.” , I said with a tone of , “do you really care? “ ! He asked , “ where is their parents ? “ . I just replied him by looking at them , he turned his head to find them. He told me he will come now and went to them. He talked to that boys parents , sat by side and kept talking. I saw the boys father just burst out of tears , my dad kept consoling him holding his hand , and he just sat there like that. Then a new doctor of middle 50’s came to icu. The scene kept moving , but none seemed to find any peace in it. It was around 9.00 , my father was still by his side. I had never noticed this , or cared it. He had no need to come hospital and help them this far. I don’t know what he did , but the boys parents seemed little better than worst , even that degrees of betterment was magical. I felt proud of him , I felt I was so wrong to think him bad. As it was about father , and he had lots of contributions in my weighed head , all the things I pretended which was not in my head seemed to flow. It started from childhood to teenage and teenage to 20 , then 20 to yesterday and from yesterday to now. In each part father by experience was shockingly different for me , as it was for every children. But what felt strange or shocking to me as I unloosed a son’s view of father , I had to admit I admired him , I respected him , he was always better than me , he have never left any of my wish unfulfilled , he stood for our family and he lived for it. He seems to enjoy it , though it was a tedious task , he never smoked , he never drunk , he never wasted money unless it was for me or my mom. He was a perfect dad with lot of imperfections. Then when I kept thinking from his side , I was a depression for him as son , I never made him happy ever. When my eyes went wet , and heart crushed in pain I realized my mistakes. Actually I don’t know why I thought so or why I got this maturity to think but I just did. Or maybe this are things we all really know but we will never accept it , coz accepting it will make us less before our dad. I thought in my past I had no problem to sob , beg and ask sorry may be 1000 a day to my past love , my friends , even mom but I never said even once to my dad. All the problems I had with my dad was over , even if he scold me every day , even if me throw me out of home I swore myself I won’t hurt him again. Then I thought about choice I made today, I choose those two boys life uncertainty with my job and my ego which was certain. May be within 5 minutes after that choice ambulance would have come, may be result was all the same , then what was meaning of my choice. Then I realized , it was a choice of a human living inside me , I did what I felt right from my heart , that choice was irrational but it was from heart. And choices made from heart makes me myself, I will never regret. As I said this I felt a change a confidence building in myself, I felt some courage when I linked my fate with my choice. And I just closed my eyes.

                                                          I opened my eyes as I sensed some movement , I saw my dad walking with the doctor speaking with him , I quickly looked the boy’s parents and they were crying. I connected dots , some kind of deep pain serpent over me. I preferred dad , more than them for conformation and went with him. After a certain distance he stopped and the doctor kept walking, as he turned he saw me. He came to me and said , “ the boy has overcome the danger , he will take time but will recover , worry was about internal bleeding , but nothing was as serious as we thought , God’s grace what else!!”. You know what I felt like a balloon getting its air released. I felt so happy , I cant explain how I felt but I can only name it as “ how will you feel when you save somebody” feeling. I thought about the joy an ambulance driver will be having when he saved one life a day , which just multiplied the respect I had with square of respect I have now to get a bigger value. But nobody haven’t dreamt of becoming an ambulance driver even if it was job which had dignity and divinity a doctor processed. Me and dad walked to his parents , watching this dad came to us , mom was too tired to get up. He just came , but he had no idea what to do , my dad understood this and he said to become happy as there were no much reason as worried. I think he said thanks many time , and he just held my hands so tight and kept smiling. It was already 2 am , as we walked out of hospital , now stinky smell of blood was irritating me. I took the car , and we had a drive together after a long time. But we didn’t talked anything but that silence itself was so noisy but felt so happy. I drove  it with ease and beauty which I never felt before. I was not over excited but felt really good. As we were about to get in to a bridge dad asked me to stop the car by side. I did so and followed him as he walked to bridge. That night had crescent moon , and it was cool. He walked to middle of bridge and he just stood there in steady breeze looking to the mighty river flowing down the bridge. I use to do the same thing to get relaxed , it was one of the best thing anybody could do if you have bridge near your home. And we just let that silence we crafted inside the car to grow here too. After a gentle gap he spoke , “ am sorry ….i didn’t mean to scold….what you did was good , am so proud about you “ ! I was already happy and this made me really emotional , but I had no idea how to react to him so I just blend in to the silence. After a gap , I thought what I had already decided but still was not prepared , I realized this was perfect moment and I asked him sorry too , I actually don’t remember the words , but I was crying when I said so. He just tapped my shoulder , bought key from me and this time he took car. As breeze swirled in through the window I kept my face in a position to maximize its effect. Dad said ,” I called him , he asked sorry for their behavior and asked you to attend next interview whose venue will be announced soon , and this time you will get to second round directly. I remained silent and kept looking out through the window. I knew three or four years after that boy will be happy with his parents , biker too will be happy , maybe he would have married somebody by then , and he will be happy too. Interestingly, I don’t know their name , they are just boy in bicycle ,  and a lad in bike. They won’t even know my existence. May I wont be praised or rewarded , maybe I won’t get that job too. But three or four years after I will not be the same me again , I will definitely have a job and I will make my parents happy too. It was not a choice but it was what I will be for the choice I made. I won’t regret anymore to help anybody, I won’t hate my parents , I will take care of them , I will work hard for me. You may call it fate , intuition , divine , story or whatsoever IT IS STORY OFCOURSE  …but between words I told you something , my dad told you something , that boys parents told you something , that boy told you something , that participants told you something , my mom told you something , biker told you something , that shopkeeper told you something , people present during accident told you something ..You heard everything too.  (Dedicating this to all who hate and love their parents, who helped others during accident and those who made choices and never regretted) - HRK

       

3 hours

“I just bowed my head so that the home minister of Ker ala could put a gold medal on my neck for completing my b.tech without supply!!”. Unfortunately this things happens on dream, for that reason I had to wake up . Passing out without supply was the most adventures thing a human could do in Cali cut university, but I think this greatest thing has neither carefully considered nor rewarded. May be someday will come!!

                  But the actual thing is that, I don’t need to think about “that award” anymore , but I have to think about award for the largest supply scorer. I will think about it after, now the time is 7 and I have an exam today. Don’t worry , nothing is so special about this day , because these things are those things we have done many times before and I have written more exams than others did (you know what I mean , ryt???....)

            On the exam time everything else in the world will become interesting than the material we need to study. Suddenly on a row, creative ideas will bloom; we will be able to make sms’s which are great and bestselling. Even the sleep on those days will be much better than normal days. I still don’t know how to explain this phenomenon scientifically, but I don’t like the very idea of people calling it laziness. Yesterday, I was waiting to start at night; at night I thought morning 4 am is the best time to start anything and slept keeping alarm. But what happened was when alarm rang I got up and started studies and ended up with winning medal for full pass and got up actually at 7 .  Now the game is fixed and I had to do nothing. Yet I took text and walked to and fro, as my mom bought tea. I was like, I had completed this subject 1 year before and I was revising it every 365 day waiting for this day. I had no worries, no tension, everything ended yesterday itself. Still I just checked out two figures, hell with that, I bet I will draw the great Picasso painting with less time than this. Figure, formulae, and theory everything was freaking me out. I do agree they are of great use but so cruel to study.

              Anyway I reached college now; I had a 2kg book in hand as if I was a great student of all the time in world history. I bet no one (girls specially and a boy in ec , 2 in mech , 2 in eee) could take such a book for more than 20 minutes , it raised my status at least till the results came. Everyone around me was preparing like for a war not so far. Just like the Pakistan army is 50 meters away from us and we are the only one left to be conquered. There will be many groups here and there; ‘1 text book and 5 around it” group, they will be people who had to pass ; now there will be “ 5 library books plus 4 notebook” group…they are mark hunters , I think they wanted more than 100 out of 100 , God such a show of !! We can see some kind of high spirit and eager enthusiasm in them, the same we see in the people who haven’t seen food for 5 or 6 days ( some will be like it is their first time experience in life for food , they will run between groups , I think they wanted a 500/100). Also there will be many people sitting alone with both fingers deep inside ears, I always took a special care about them, coz I doubted they will put a hole in ear and will touch the brain and die instantly. They will have no interest to talk to us. Some will be busy telling , how well they didn’t study yesterday; some will be busy with explaining about the TV program or  the last night match between “ Chelsea and Liverpool” , or may be about padmarajan films that happened to be in Asianet plus. Now that is also a showoff!!! But I will always encourage it keeping the gratitude that they didn’t took textbook that time. Some will do just opposite, they will blah blah about the program they missed , they didn’t slept till 3 pm like that . There will be few who woke up at that time also!! Some will stop studies by 9.20 pm , some will start by then , and will carry on like a formulae 1 race ,hanging on the most popular 15 mark question , among them there will be normal humans , who can’t read ,” cow gives us milk” without studying English alphabets ,and they will fail to  understand. But some will have a canon scanner in their eyes and they will photo copy the entire thing , they are superhuman with brains to memorize ,  and brain that could prevent from logical thinking that you need to know what you write.!

          Now the bell will rang by 9.20 am , telling us like “time for action folks , am your full stop and am going to teach you a lesson you never forget” , but the facts remains the same that we are invincible for any lessons. Now next 10 minutes is known as teacher show off time, they will shouting like to their pet dog to get inside, “jimmy, I will kick you, get in, get in I said…ooohh you filthy dog just get in!!!”…they will walk; they will stare and appear around the corner to make us scream. But every one give less care for that and that will make them more destructive. Then some will start begging for a single minute , such that it will change the exam just forgetting the fact that they had such 24*60 minutes before. There will be some who will hide somewhere to study till 9.30 and they will get in at 9.30 in special consideration of..”i didn't knew anything, I was not here” !!

              Some will enter the hall with a prayer,  some will be already inside , they are “blending in with the atmosphere”!! Once seated some will turn around or call the one sitting before and will ask “daaa , what is the 16^th pin of 8086???” ..then the reply will be “ txdi!!”....then the one who asked will reply...”noooooo , it is of 8087!!!”...then the other one ,”8087?? , it is not in my syllabus book...telll me about it plzzz”..the other...” there is no need to study that...i just had a look only”...then other..”ooo god..i dint even know the block diagram”. By that time , some of show off teachers would have already noticed and they will shout like , be silent inside the exam hall such that a bomb with a sound sensor is kept , above 118 db , it will explode. Now one of the teacher will close the door like else all are going to escape. And they will stand in attention , the tension will rise exponentialy! I had to do something , but seriously I cant discuss about out of syllabus , truthfully not even syllabus , so only thing to do is to give best of luck to everyone. Now I think you remember the guys who were hiding , now they will try to get in forcefully , when negotiation going on between them and teachers , some of already seated guys will jump out of seat. They have forgotten something , and will rush out with escuse to door keeper. We “nothing to do guys” will keep an eye on them , we all will be expecting a hall ticket or a fx991 es , but she will come back with cover of her apsara rubber.

             There is more interesting things in exam hall. There is a big girl sharing row with me. SHE is a good girl , well I don't know; she used to come like she was going to pilgrimage , a big photo of God ,and there will be a “kontha”! I always thanked God in photo for not giving her idea to bring in a candle,  she would have burned my exam paper. Now teachers will start distributing question paper , I forgot to say , answer sheet will be given 10 minutes before so that we can save time for exam. All will be cailm and silent for a short period , and then it beginssss!!!!!! just like in the film “127 hours” , titling is when we are in a trap

                                              “3 hours” 

      the most inevitable “3 hours”!

      The cold blooded dare to do “3 hours”!!

      the most screwed “3 hours”

the three hours of blankness sometimes , sometimes its wild , sometimes its satisfactory, sometimes it surpasses the excellence , sometimes it will dig a pit and put us inside it , sometimes it will be as expected , sometimes unexpected , sometimes a mixture , as in engineering we  have pin point division of 4 modules with 25 marks each , that division is the real reason for all the uncertainty.

  ( So the point I had to focus was that the exam has just begun. So was trying to increase the pressure of situation and want to make you sit in exam hall , then only I can proceed with the story. So if anybody is still outside , read the para once more , if the result is still negative , please get in !!! and take seat.  )

    I just looked at the question paper. Yes !!!...i do agree the that I can read , and am familiar with all letters too , but all together doesn't seems to make any kind of sense for me!! it simply doesn't map to my memory! I just remembered my first day in school , we were so innocent and unfamiliar with every thing , we used to blink and look around; same thing happened to me then. At this time what boys usually do?? in boys , what about the cool guys?? did anybody think that we will pray to God for mercy and shower answer to head from nowhere..never! The first and foremost thing will be a five star rated bad word!! if it was a Hollywood film ,expect a four letter word there , and if movie was in star movies or HBO , we will here a “beep” sound and subtitle with “****” in it. In Malayalam films , shaji kailas ,may be some others also have successfully bought the critical combination of words in the most apt moments. In delhi belly though there was no such apt moments , the film is so rich! Yeah, “shit happens”! Ha! Ha! Ha!...so by now you have got a clear idea why I haven't started yet. Its almost 5 minutes by now since exam start.

        Then next step was to find,” who was real friend”!, the one who haven't started yet. I just checked the first and second row , all are writing..i didn't lost hope , yeah, got it , roll no 3 was smiling at me. Not only him , roll no 14, roll no 40 , 43 , 50 was smiling at me. I was happy. But by chance , I turned to girl in my side , she occupied almost 3/4^th of table for writing and the portion left to keep photo , kontha and all . There was hardly some apace left for me , I remind you if there were any space , she would have kept a candle too. I tried reading questions again , but still I have no idea , I had no chance to step out. The day before exam we will have lot to think , lot to do and pass the time. But in that three hours nothing will come. Then the only thing to do was , just to design a script for fight back , on first year when I had a similar situation , I thought that time about hard work , using library...etc and to become university topper. With all this experience I can tell you that was bullocks , “once thief is thief forever”! Half an hour was passed , and now I was seriously thinking about taking pen , and I also feared if the girl noticed I was not using the pen , she will plan to write for my pen too! So I took pen , but I don't know what was   next?. Am not going to debate on this , but I hope you will agree me by now I can write! And what I did was to answer with all the exposure of my analytical intelligence. The question will be about burj khaleefa ?? ,then my answer will be like this!! “ Burj Khaleefa is the tallest building in the world. It is situated in Dubai; it is also the tallest building in Dubai. Dubai is the place were the tallest tower situates. It has height more than other tallest towers around the world.( I don't know any other towers name , so we should pretend we know their name by telling them together). Many Indians are living there. Many other nations are also trying to make tall towers!!” and I will wind up with that. I know this is totally weird , but there are situations which make us do those things we normally never wants to do. The question was about Burj Khaleefa and the only thing I knew was about it's height. I drew pictures, I haven't heard of! I had no trouble to do so. By writing two 15 marks questions using same protocol , I managed to complete first hour of examination successfully. I almost finished 7 pages of answer booklet and still a 1 and half an hour was left. Then I looked back to my “friend” for a '”confident booster” , but shocking was the seen , he was writing vigorously. Then I myself filled with regret . I was blaming myself at least a 1000 times( I know blaming myself won't hurt me).

     This are the times we do have lot of philosophical advancements. I thought about the great BHAGWAT GITA, in that Lord Krishna says , “its not the way that is important, but the aim , (here it is passmark)”. That was made for the people who do malpractice , many fools including me have thought like that , or act like that. So I attempted to peep into answer paper of my friend sitting in my front bench. Actually she was a nice friend ,funny and of coarse beautiful , she always liked to help ,but unfortunately I couldn't tell her to help me before exam neither I could see her paper as she was sleeping above that (I mean she was writing like that). With a hard and almost thrilling try I saw a figure , I was so happy it had some peculiar similarities with figure I drew , but I was sad that I can't drew it anymore. “Life is like that buddy ,live life as it comes”, I said myself. Next 10 minutes I was busy with playing gimmick of rotating pen with 2 fingers. I bet those who do this things , are those who had similar situation like this. Then I again tried to do something productive in answering . I just made me belive that I was participating in essay competition for youth festival . I was born expert and very good in good for nothing writing. I decided to use this element which was rich in my blood to save myself from a pothole. And I started writing and writing , Liapunuv became my legend , microprocessors became treasure islands of mysteries ,  diodes and resistors became  high voltage heroes and cool ampere villains , likewise I wrote stories , thereby my  future. Actually that really made my time was not wasted , but it ensured my solitude will be far more creative and fearless. I was sure when istarted this violent and wildest writing many of the faces in the exam hall would have undergone a climatic change. I can even hear the thoughts of one of  my friends , mostly some bad words. Let him do that I thought , because it was not an hour ago he was doing the same thing to me. It was last half an hour. The tension in the atmosphere increased. That was just like watching English action movies. The last 30 minutes was the final lap , the game strategy will be entirely different. Performing a 15 marks question very well will change to attempting maximum number of question . Heavy load explanation changes to points and figures . Thus the whole exam hall will be in the middle of a race not less than 100m sprint. Now number of hands will rise for extra sheets , while many other will look them with surprise and will murmur angrily that “what the hell they are going to do with extra papers , dont they know for a sheet of paper we have to cut a tree!”. This peoples will still have a 5 or 6 pages left in main answer booklet. When some people will be eating the paper , or more like raping the answer paper , there will be many kind hearts who will just give back the answer paper and leave the hall , such that they can't tolerate it any more. There will be girls whose eyes and hands will be super glued to paper , they will ask answer sheet before their page is completed , they will not look teachers or any other physical structures other than answer paper. They will just raise their hands , the teachers have to come to them and they have to hand the paper. Some will raise both the hands , while some other ,mostly girls will be ready to raise their legs. The exam hall will be the scenario with full of violence. Now many will start to hit the air ,as their hands are getting pain. They will never give up as it is the matter of their life. The last 15 minutes will be nothing less than a war front! Now the chances for walk out is no more available in the market. The examiner will close the door again , such that by closing the door ,at this particular time will allign all the planets in the solar system in such a way that , the cosmic energy will flow from unknown sources to the exam hall , the students thereby will get magical powers and they will get passed. But nothing will happen. Still I found this door closing is meaning less as no change is going to happen , and all the discomfort they feel is just what they felt. The examiners will start shouting the by hearted words which has been passed from generation to generation from the moment the concept of extra sheet and a twain to tie it was introduced,” all of you tie your answer sheets”. This was just like “ this is the right time , if you tie your paper now , you are going to win a maruthi swift else you will only get a tata nano” . If we plot tension in Y-axis and time in X-axis for the last 30 minutes and plotted the graph am damn sure it would have been exponential. The peak of the graph in a range of last ten minutes , it should be marked as “climax show off effect”. Typically this effect will be occupied by the behavioral crisis of girls , and some of the boys. Specially those who think that , this time calicut university may give them a 110/100. and that is how its ends. Surprisingly the examiners will snatch the paper from us just like it was their personal property. The point is I was already willing to give them for free , then why should they snatch it from me(the gal who wanted 500/100 was still writing and begging for a minute).

 “shit” “shit” “shit” “shit” ….............................

Now the time has come for the redemption , all of you please think about the “3 hours” that just passed. Isn't it for this “3 hours” we pay our fees in college??(22,500 rs,for juniors it was even  bigger). Wasn't this “3 hours” a race for marks?? to secure a job , status , high profile , degree???. We studied , wrote assignments , seminars , internal exams in a particular subject in the back ground of hard work and show off was just to get a bigger digit in between 0 to 150( max mark) , just to write proportionally and efficiently for this “ 3 hours” and never to think about in our whole life?? after this exam, may be in later life we will face questions regarding the same subject which we frighted well in last “3 hours” , how many of us will be able to answer it?? Very few I think, if the question tests our knowledge than our memory. Then what was the meaning of all this??what are we gaining when we are doing like this?? we have been dragged on to being fools by this system as we are focusing only on percentage. But there are many peoples who don't even try , and by telling philosophies like studying for mark is disgusting(including me, I was like that). That attitude is not justifiable for  any reason. This will not be a question of your marks anymore , but how can you waste the money of your parents by wasting an examination. So this “3 hours” means a lot than we see what it was. This “3 hours” should be designed to be a stage to express yourself to the subject , what knowledge you gained from it , how much you know about it , and that should be rewarded by marks ; neither the similarity the answer has with the reference text book nor the beauty of figures should be the criterion for rewarding marks , but it should be considered as a positive element for with weight age. Therefore the whole system should be changed to something better , a system that ensures the students to be good engineers , more than the crap they are now. We should not study for just “3 hours” , but we should study for whole life . We should use our knowledge for our society , nation , family , for science and give least importance for money , no matter if we gain more after doing all this , and we will gain it.

          So far in life I was a loser , I have know authority to make this point , but this is what I know to do. My friends know that I have improved at least a bit , as I stopped scoring backlog. So am writing this. I respect my friends who score good marks by their hard work and I feel sad about my friends and me who score less. Still I wish if this system changes and a better one replaces , the attitude of teachers ,students and university changes towards the engineering education , and engineers who comes out becomes assets of our society. I wish this from core of my heart , am dedicating this “3 hours” to my friends who had the spirit to challenge the hollowness of the system and became good engineers.

This is HRK ,still to become an engineer signing out.....

 HARIKRISHNAN.M

 

മദ്യം:ആഗോളവല്കരണവും ആത്മഹത്യയും

ഈ കഥ ഒരുപക്ഷെ നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് മനസ്സിലായെന്നു വരില്ല  , ഇത് ഒരു അടിച്ചമര്‍ത്തപ്പെട്ടവന്റെ കഥയാണ് , വിവര്‍ണ്ണന്‍റെ കഥയാണ്. ഇതിഹാസ പുരാണങ്ങള്‍ തൊട്ടു മദ്യം  വിഷവും കയപ്പുമായിരുന്നു . ലോകത്ത് നടന്ന എല്ലാ സാമൂഹിക പ്രശ്നങ്ങളും വ്യവസ്ഥാപിതമായ താത്പര്യങ്ങളും മദ്യത്തിനു മേല്‍ ആരോപ്പിക്കപ്പെട്ടു.പുരകത്തുമ്പോള്‍ ആരോ വാഴ വെട്ടിയത് മദ്യപിച്ചാണെന്നും, നിറോ ചക്രവര്‍ത്തി കള്ള് മൂത്താണ് വീണ വായിച്ചതെന്നും ചില്ല കുശുബന്മാര്‍ പറഞ്ഞു പരത്തി.ലോകം മദ്യത്തെ വെറുക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങിയത് അങ്ങനെ ആയിരുന്നു. കാലില്‍ ഒരു മുറിവ് വന്നാല്‍ അതിനെ ഉണക്കാന്‍ കഴിവ് മദ്യത്തിനുണ്ട് പക്ഷെ മദ്യം “ടെട്ടോള്‍ “ ആയില്ല . അത്യാവശ്യം ഒന്ന് ഉറങ്ങാന്‍ ഒരു രണ്ടെണ്ണം ഇട്ടു കിടന്ന മതി  , മദ്യം ഉറക്ക ഗുളിക ആയില്ല    , തണുപ്പ് കൂടിയ ഒന്ന് പിടിച്ചു നികാന്‍ കുറച്ചു അകത്തു ചെന്ന മതി , പക്ഷെ ലോകം കമ്പിളി പുതച്ചു . എന്നിട്ട് മദ്യപിച്ചു അവരുടെ സത്യസന്ധമായ സ്വഭാവം കാണിച്ചു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു  , പക്ഷെ എല്ല്ലാവരും കുറ്റപെടുതിയത് മദ്യത്തെ മാത്രം. ഇത്രയ്ക്കു ഹീനമായ വിവേചനം ഹിറ്റ്ലര്‍ പോലും ചെയ്തു കാണില്ല, ഈ കടുത്ത വിവേചനം കൊണ്ട് മദ്യം ആത്മഹത്യ ചെയാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ചു. അങ്ങനെ മദ്യം ഒരു കോപ്പ വെള്ളത്തില്‍ ചാടി മുങ്ങി പൊങ്ങി . ഈ സമയത്ത് ചരിത്രത്തില്‍ എവിടേയോ ഒരു വിദ്വാന്‍ അത് എടുത്തു കുടിച്ചു വീര്യം കുറയ്ക്കാന്‍ വെള്ളം ചേര്‍ത്തമതി എന്ന് കണ്ടെത്തി. തന്‍റെ വിധിയെ പഴിച്ചു മദ്യം ഒരു ശവകുഴി കുത്തി അതില്‍ ശവസംസ്കാരം നടത്തി മരണത്തെ പുല്‍കാന്‍ ശ്രമിച്ചു , പക്ഷെ ഒരു 5 കൊല്ലം കഴിഞ്ഞു ഏതോ ഒരു വിദ്വാന്‍ ശ്വാസം മുട്ടി ചവാറായ മദ്യത്തെ കണ്ടെത്തി അത് രുചിച്ചു ഒരു പ്രധാന സംഭാവനയും നല്‍കി . കുഴിച്ചിട്ട മദ്യത്തിനു വീര്യം കൂടുമെന്ന് , അന്ന് മുതല്‍ പലരും മദ്യം മണിനടിയില്‍ മൂടാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി . മനസ്സ് മടുത്ത മദ്യം വാര്ധക്യമെത്തി ചാവാന്‍ വേണ്ടി കൊല്ലങ്ങള്‍ കഴിച്ചു കൂട്ടി , ആപോളത വേറൊരു വിദ്വാന്‍ പഴകം ചെല്ലുന്ന മദ്യത്തിനു വീര്യം കൂടും എന്ന് കണ്ടെത്തിയത് , അങ്ങനെയാണ് മദ്യത്തിന്റെ വൃദ്ധസദനങ്ങള്‍ അറവുശാലയായത്‌. മഞ്ഞു കട്ടയില്‍ തണുത്തു മരണത്തെ പുല്‍കാന്‍ ശ്രമിച്ചത്‌ കുടിയന്മാര്‍ക്ക് “ ഓണ്‍ ദ റോക്ക്സ് “ എന്നാ സംസ്കാരം സമ്മാനിച്ചത്‌. തീകൊളുത്തി മരിക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ അവര്‍ പഞ്ചനക്ഷത്രഹോട്ടലില്‍ തീ കത്തിച്ചു കുടിക്കാന്‍ കൊടുത്തു. അങ്ങനെ മദ്യം പരാജിതനായി  , വെറുക്കപെട്ടവുനുമായി. മദ്യം എല്ലാ ഒന്നാം തീയതിയും കരഞ്ഞു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു . അവന്‍ അമ്മമാരോട് കാലു പിടിച്ചു പറഞ്ഞു  , “ അല്ല ഞാനല “  , പീടിപ്പിക്കപെട്ട സഹോധരിമാരോട് പറഞ്ഞു “ ഇല്ല സഹോദരി , ഞാന്‍ കാരണം ആരും ചീത്തയാവുന്നില്ല , അവര്‍ അണിയുന്ന കപടത ഊരി പോകുന്നു എന്ന് മാത്രം “ , റോഡാപകടങ്ങളില്‍ പെട്ടവര്‍ക്ക് വേണ്ടി മദ്യം കരഞ്ഞു “ ഞാനല്ല , മദ്യപ്പിച്ചു വാഹനം ഓടികരുത് , ഓടിച്ചാല്‍ അത് എങ്ങനെ എന്റെ തെറ്റാവും “ . മദ്യനിരോധനം അലറി കരഞ്ഞ മതങ്ങളോട് മദ്യം പറഞ്ഞു , “ ഈ ലോകം കണ്ണു തുറന്നു നോക്ക് , മദ്യപികാതെ നിങ്ങള്‍ ചെയുന്ന ചെയ്തികള്‍ കാണാം , അതിലും ഭേദം മദ്യം തന്നെയാണ് “. ഞാന്‍ ഇങ്ങനെ ജനിച്ചത്‌ എന്റെ തെറ്റാല്ല , കഴിഞ്ഞ കര്കിടകത്തിനു ഞാന്‍ മഴയായി പെയ്തതല , നിങ്ങള്‍ തന്നെയാണ് എന്നെ ഉണ്ടാകിയത്  , പിന്നെ ഒന്നുകൂടി മനസിലാക്കുക മദ്യപിക്കാതെ നിങ്ങള്‍ കഴിക്കുന്ന സാധനങ്ങള്‍ എലാം നല്ലതാവാന്‍ ശ്രദ്ധിക്കുക  , നിങ്ങള്‍ ഇന്ന് തിന്നുനത് എന്നെകാള്‍ വലിയ വിഷമാണ്. ഞാന്‍ മദ്യം , ഇത് എനിക്ക് പറയാന്‍ ഉള്ളതാണ്